it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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