At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
