Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
