i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
