I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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