so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
