he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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