I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
