dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
