sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
