He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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