i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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