Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
