i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
40s are totally the cure
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
