WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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