the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
