FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
false alarm. still invincible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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