Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
