I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
