woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
