So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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