I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
