i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
