Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
