Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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