I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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