Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
