Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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