I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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