Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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