my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
