Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
