if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
