wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
