so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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