I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
