She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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