More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
