I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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