He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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