Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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