It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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