So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
