Whod you bang
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
