I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
