Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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