i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just google imaged poop.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
