I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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