ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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