i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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