My nipple is on Facebook.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
