Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
