this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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