We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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