Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
